Summertime and I'm Feeling Fat.

Trying Brass Monkey!

It's summertime in Central California...and it's hot. The swamp coolers in my house make for a perfectly sticky pole but my lungs don't seem to be able to suck in enough oxygen in this damp, heavy air. I am in the middle of packing up my home to move and dismantling my beloved pole room...and I feel fat. And listless. And unmotivated to do anything exercise related. My shoulders carry something heavy, unidentifiable, probably the stress of moving, so they don't want to carry my body weight upside down as well.

But I feel better after reading the BadKitty blog post "How Curves Help with Pole". It resonated with me. Some say I'm slender, but I know all the extra weight I carry from years of stress and a bad diet. I feel the boniness of my knees when I'm trying to do floorwork then look down and see the softness of my belly spilling over my shorts. I see fat in places I never had it before. I get upset with myself because I don't always consistently eat clean; I'd rather have enchiladas and Cheetos sometimes because they comfort me and I'm an emotional eater that hasn't quite faced her problem.

But when I look in the mirror and look myself in the eye, I see a strong woman. A fierce female that can deal with a little extra on her frame and still feel confident. My massage therapist was working on my back and said, "Girl, you have killer shoulders! You're so built!" We pole dancers forget what sets us apart from the average female that goes to the gym or walks for her exercise. We have muscles. Muscles in places we wouldn't have had muscle if we hadn't taken up pole.

Once in pole class a tall, beautiful, big-framed woman told me "I'm about as graceful as a bull with all this weight" or something like that. To which I told her, "The heavier I am, the stronger I get hauling it up on the pole!"

And for that I can feel strong, sexy and who the hell cares if my belly hangs over a little. The extra fat on my thighs and middle help me grip that pole good! I am at my strongest I have ever been in my life right now.

And I'm proud.

P.S. Thank you to every poler who carries extra weight on her frame and still pushes herself, conquers new tricks, and shares her pole achievements on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or on a blog...you inspire me and so many others!

Pole Dance Therapy.

It has been AWHILE since I have sat here and wrote out a post...and believe me, I have lots to talk about. My life has changed in a big way since I last posted.

My Pole Room. 

I separated from my husband a few months after my last post. Things happen in a marriage or a relationship that just seem to take time to repair. At least you need a lot of time - or maybe just a little time apart - to figure it out, to get away from the tension, the negativity that surrounds you both like a fog that doesn't let you see things clearly.

Then he dies. I mean, suddenly. Taken out in an instant one night by a drunk woman.

All hope of repairing anything, seeing him again, maybe making love one more time, feeling his arms, telling one another we are forgiven - GONE.

I felt like a huge stone was wedged in my ribs. I couldn't hardly move my muscles right for weeks. My digestive system was screwed up. I only occasionally wanted a piece of cake or greasy pizza...or another shot of Tequila.

After about two months of this, I decided I needed an outlet. I wanted to get back on my pole. It was almost CALLING me to climb on it.

I created myself a pole space in the extra bedroom of my house. It came out beautifully. Smooth laminate floors, a booming stereo, red lights, pink curtains, huge mirrors...hot.

And I danced. I would turn on some wild, hard, throbbing music and dance like a crazy mad woman to the rhythm, the beat and in an instant it would overtake me, the emotion, the pain, the grief, the sadness, the loss like a huge hurricane that hit with no weather warning, like a storm that suddenly changed course and crashed, no SLAMMED right into me and sent me into a sobbing heap in the middle of the floor. The music drowned out the guttural cries from my soul.

But I continued. I didn't stop. I danced my in my grief, swam in its messy, dark waters and wallowed, thrashed, and got stronger. Waaaay stronger. The more I climbed, inverted, put a foot here, tried holding it there, hey- this arm is able to hold me up better now...oh, wow, now I can balance better...

The things that can happen when you don't stop.

Sore!!!

I am SORE today....and I have been training hard in the gym. Weights, HIIT workouts, intense stuff, you know? But that pole...all I did was do some inversions on my pole in spinning mode, something I have been wanting to work on, and whoah! I am feelin' it way more than the soreness I have from my workouts.

I have been working out to:

1. Lose weight so I can haul my ass up better on the pole;

2. So I can feel a little less self-conscious of my fat hanging out of my teeny pole shorts, and

3. I can actually get strong enough to do more on the pole!

And let me tell you, it's WORKING!

I look lots better than I did a couple of months ago...5" off of my waistline, not to mention a few pounds lost, clothes a lot looser and more muscle definition. But the part that I love the most? I can get up on that pole with a little more ease. I don't feel like I'm hauling a hundred-pound sack of beans up a precarious mountain. Now I have lots more strength in my shoulders, upper body and back, thanks to my trainer that I made sure knew one of my big goals is to be able to perform a full pull up unassisted.

I did about 10-15 inversions - just stepping into them - on my spinning pole at home this past Saturday. I spun around upside-down and even did the upside-down Crucifix and also let go with one leg..so just played around getting used to the feel of everything again.

So I'm off to the gym now for a workout...with my pole-sore muscles. And a big smile on my face and a sense of accomplishment that I have been wanting to feel for a long, long time :)

Much pole love to you all!

Sara

Cross Training

I have recently taken a break from pole...to cross train. My shoulder was starting to hurt and I knew I needed to lose some of this extra weight I have been carrying around for too long.

So I signed up for a membership at a gym near my place of work and decided to go and train on my lunch hour. Then I agreed to a free assessment with a trainer there. I had no clue what I was in for and neither did I realize how un-conditioned I was!

The trainer only worked me out for 20 minutes...but it was a HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) session and I actually puked at the end of the workout. It was intense, taxing to my bodya nd showed me how really out-of-shape I was. I was winded and gasping for breath.

Now, mind you, I have been doing pole routines and cardio and lifting weights at home. But I never pushed myself to that next level of conditioning, and I see why so few go there.

HIIT is the type of training that strips your body of fat, revs up your metabolism, creates a spike in HGH (Human Growth Hormone) in your system, makes your eyes bright and skin glow, and uses every ounce of physical and mental strength you have.

I went ahead and hired the trainer and have only done 8 of these workouts (twice a week) with him, every workout different, and already see results. I'm tighter, my pants are looser and I feel a LOT stronger.

You can find lots of these types of workout videos for free on YouTube and most require no equipment and can be done in your living room. On this page I've included just a small sample that sounds easy (SOUNDS, remember!) until you are in the throes of grinding these movements out without rest!

Try it and see if you don't see an increase in your strength next time you are dancing out a 5-minute routine!

Making Progress

Well, this is my living room and place to pole...my two Lil' Mynx poles stand like bored dance partners waiting for me to come and have some fun!

So, for several weeks now I have been doing lots and lots of Pole Ups, Pole Crunches, practicing dead-lifting my legs in a "V" off the floor and in the meantime finally got my Crucifix and am working on my Thigh Rest now.

I also do a move from one of Lucy Misch's DVDs the "Hang Tough" where you do a sort of half climb but use it as a type of 'pole up'; I rest one leg on the pole as if starting to climb, grasp the pole with both hands and pull myself up and let myself back down with control. I do this over and and over until I feel like my arms are going to fall off. The results? Feeling stronger and developing some amazing biceps.

I've been doing tons of pole crunches and tucks in order for me to develop my core enough to be able to tuck up into an invert. I currently step into my inverts and want to be able to eventually dead-lift into an invert (at least as an option). My current goal is to be able to get my hips to tilt up so I can get my leg up on the pole and go into an invert without having to step into it.

My workouts have also helped to increase my stamina and muscular endurance. I went from only being able to pole for about 20 minutes to now over an hour, a big increase for me. My training schedule has only been two days a week, usually Tuesday and Thursday nights and have been doing yoga on Monday and Wednesday nights.

If you are just starting out, or frustrated because you haven't been able to get into invert or do a smooth climb, keep on working out. Keep building that strength up, on and off the pole. I wrote an article about building more strength off of the pole that includes ideas for cross-training. Check it out here.

Frustration, Body Image and Clothes Not Fitting

Well, I had a break down in my closet last night while getting ready to go out and walk-jog with my 15-year-old daughter. She has been diligent in her fitness efforts and has inspired me to be consistent as well.

I was cursing out my tank tops and myself at the same time because they were all just tight - and not tight in a sexy way, either. I am 30 pounds over my usual weight and that's a whole story in itself of how I gained the weight. But needless to say, I kept looking at how I could see my fat and bulges in places I don't want bulges showing and I slammed the door of my closet and threw as many clothes as I could across the room. My daughter, such a sweetheart, came in and said, "Mom, well at least you're about to do something about it!"

That was all I needed to help me to put the largest shirt on I own and head out the door with her.

I put on a lot of this weight mainly due to a very stressful relationship situation I had went through about a year ago; also too much beer and too many fun shots of Tequila on the weekends; too many late nights and too many times of giving in to fast food meals. And to add to a bad diet, no exercise. No poling, no walking, no nothing.

Like the old saying goes, Rome wasn't built in a day; and also, if it took a year to get like this, it may take as long to reverse.

In the meantime, I am being consistent with my baby-step workouts and also making one small change at a time to my diet. For instance, I've started eating a bowl of hot oatmeal every morning with whey protein powder mixed in, a multi-vitamin and a fresh piece of fruit. The vitamin seems to keep my energy up.

Now I've started switching out sugary drinks for water or herbal tea with honey and also using myfitnesspal app to track my eating and exercise. I have also been learning lots from Sharee, author of the blog funeralformyfat. She went through a 4-year transformation of losing over 100+ pounds and becoming vegan. Her journey is amazing.

My next step is to weigh myself again. Although I know the scale doesn't tell you everything about the state of your body and health, it is a piece of the puzzle and it is a measuring stick I use at times.

And I'm working in my pole training 2-4 times a week at this point, again, the sessions are getting longer and longer, more intense and I am able to do more now than I did a month ago :-)

No Longer an Anonymous Pole Dancer

I recently read a thread on Studio Veena's online forum that was about remaining anonymous as a pole dancer to your friends, family, coworkers, and the world in general...except for that safe, online place or your studio.

I know there are lots of women who let it all hang out and are like "This is who I am! Take it or leave it!" and I always thought I was that kind of girl, too. But I always kept my pole part of my life hidden from certain people; the people I worked with, the people I went to church with and of course, my old-fashioned parents.

But just recently, I have been working very hard at my basic pole skills: climbing, pulling myself up, inverting, learning s-l-o-w-l-y how to get that strength to deadlift into an invert. I also have started going back to pole class in Fresno, something I have been wanting to do for awhile now. (I think I may have found a pole home!) And then I heard Veena was coming through town so of course, I am THERE!

We had a great time and I was so excited about meeting her in person, poling with her, and having her help me with some tips on how to get stronger inverts. I took a picture with her afterwards and I just wanted to share it with the whole world - well, my Facebook world, that is.

See my Facebook world has some of the people I work with on it as well as lots of the people I go to church with. Did I care at that moment? No! I still don't. I proudly posted my little picture with Veena and surprisingly, received a lot of "likes" from some of the very people that I thought might look down their noses at me for what I love to do.

Now I feel a little braver. A little more like I can still be liked and accepted even with the knowledge that I pole. Am I just a person with "people-pleasing" issues? Do I have to have everyone like and accept me? No. Would I stop poling if someone made a rude comment or asked why was I trying to be a stripper or something stupid like that? Absolutely not.

I am what I am, I love what I love, take all of me or leave me alone. :)

#studioveena #poledancing