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My New Pole Space.

I am so thankful for my new pole space...

When I was looking for a house to purchase to be my "forever home", the two criteria it HAD to have were:

- a fourth bedroom and
- high ceilings!

I looked and scoured real estate listings and looked through the posted photos and would occasionally find an area of the house that had REALLY tall ceilings like 15 feet or more but I just needed something with 10' to 12'.

I had another little house wish-list going on as well as well as a budget to fit into. One day I finally had the thought of looking at new homes that could be semi-customized. I started looking online and found a home within my budget, with a fourth bedroom, ten-foot ceilings and everything but one item off of my house wish-list!

Thus my new pole space - it is a little smaller than my old pole room but I am still very happy with it. I don't have enough space to put up both of my poles but I am thankful that I have a high-quality X-Pole, tall ceilings, smooth floors and enough space to do some floorwork too!

What I enjoy most about having a private space is that I can close the door, dim the lights, turn up the music and just move. I also enjoy that I can see myself in the tall mirrors and be creative, experiment with movement, learn new tricks on my own (with the help of my handy crash mat!), and have a place to condition my body.

I live near a wonderful pole dance studio as well, Aerial Angels in Fresno, California, and I plan on joining as a member there. I learned so much there in the past when I took classes consistently.

Here is a photo of my new private pole dance room:

I plan on learning a lot in here, sharing it with my pole buddies and making some amazing pole dance memories!!!

Real Life Story.

My pole journey is not just my pole journey - it's connected with everything else and gets affected by the circumstances in everyday life, my emotional ups and downs at times, relationships, loneliness, busyness, lack of pole space, motivation level, health issues, whatever - you name it. 

I want to share one relationship that I had in my life some time back and how it affected me. It affected how I felt about myself, how I looked at myself in the mirror, how I felt when I wanted to pole. I allowed this person's words to make me feel less-than, ugly, unworthy, unattractive and even at times wishing I was dead. I definitely didn't want to pole. 

I deleted this post (below in italics) almost a year and a half ago. That's how long it's been since I've published a new post here in my pole dance blog. I struggled with feelings of embarrassment, fear, and confusion surrounding this. 

I found myself being sucked back into a relationship with the same person I describe below after I had written the post and after I had gained clarity about how wrong the relationship was, how unhealthy it was for me. 

How could I go back to this horror? What the hell was wrong with me? I asked myself this over and over and I am sure many others looking from the outside in would ask me the same thing. 

Unless you have been in an emotionally/psychologically/physically abusive relationship, you may not understand the nature of a trauma bond - something I found out had a name, the thing that made me keep wanting to be with someone who would treat me so horribly. 

I have since forgiven myself for this - for wanting poison and not understanding why I wanted it so bad. The nature of a trauma bond is chemical - much like a human's addiction to a substance like heroine. The abuse cycle creates very strong doses of hormones in the human body like dopamine and oxytocin - and thus an addiction is created and it very hard to break. 

I have since forgiven the person as well - and cut them out of my life for good. 

I feel the need to be real, to be vulnerable and open about my shortcomings in hopes that it will help another that is in the same confusing situation. 

Here is the post I deleted in fear of them reading it and also in my own shame of going back to this person. 

Slut. Stripper. Whore. That's what he said when I shared what I really love doing with pole.

The words stung but I chose not to pay attention to the way it made something inside of my abdomen curl up and hurt. I swallowed the words like a rotten, curdled, lukewarm drink that had been sitting on the shelf of someone else's bitter heart too long. I reasoned it away. Oh, he's probably trying to be funny, oh, he doesn't understand pole because he's a guy, oh, this and oh that. Bullshit.

I fell in love - or grew into love - I don't even fucking know what it was now - about 10 months ago. It was 6 months after I lost my husband and I was lonely and looking for someone to fill that void I think. But I met a man, slim and tall and handsome who said and did all the right things that made my heart do funny things.

So I jumped in head first - I felt some hesitation when he was intensely into me at the beginning - I wanted to slow it down but the gravity of a slippery slope of exciting sex and all of that Oxytocin that comes from that skin contact after being so lonely for so long - God, it overwhelmed me and I just let myself drown in it, never stopping to listen to the messaged my gut was giving me all along: slow down; did you really like what he just called you? do you really want to do that? ouch, what he just said and did hurts my soul in a deep way...I didn't even give myself the respect enough to listen.

But I stopped to listen to myself recently, called the whole thing off and stopped it all long enough to have some silence to let all of those messages that have been building up come in a flood...then they slowed down and I gave each message respect and time to absorb them. And I started reading about toxic, subtly abusive people and how they can slowly get into your soul and mind and their poison start its destruction.

I am now in a place of peace inside and out; a place in my life where maybe I was blind for a bit because I chose to be, but then I loved myself enough to make the choice to stop it, to get it out of my life, out of my vicinity physically and emotionally. I am hurting only for the loss of what I thought I had and healing with the hopes for something real and beautiful in the future, something that I deserve. My heart is sometimes so lavish and full and giving that I allow less-than-real people to suck from it.

My dancing will continue. I just put my pole up in it's new space my gym-slash-bedroom of the new house I'm renting. There aren't tall ceilings and smooth floors but there is space enough to do my pole work and to dance like I want to. Some pretty lights will be up soon to set my dance mood :)

I write and share this in raw, ugly realness in the hopes that maybe someone like myself will read it and consider what they have been ignoring. Love doesn't hurt, love doesn't put you down, love doesn't see ways to make you question yourself and what you love doing. If it feels like a sting in your gut, it's a sting in your gut. Pay attention. Don't allow it to keep happening. Love yourself enough to get away from it.

I am happier and freer now and have learned some more valuable life lessons. :)

And I am still poling with great passion! No one can ever take that from me.

Summertime and I'm Feeling Fat.

Trying Brass Monkey!

It's summertime in Central California...and it's hot. The swamp coolers in my house make for a perfectly sticky pole but my lungs don't seem to be able to suck in enough oxygen in this damp, heavy air. I am in the middle of packing up my home to move and dismantling my beloved pole room...and I feel fat. And listless. And unmotivated to do anything exercise related. My shoulders carry something heavy, unidentifiable, probably the stress of moving, so they don't want to carry my body weight upside down as well.

But I feel better after reading the BadKitty blog post "How Curves Help with Pole". It resonated with me. Some say I'm slender, but I know all the extra weight I carry from years of stress and a bad diet. I feel the boniness of my knees when I'm trying to do floorwork then look down and see the softness of my belly spilling over my shorts. I see fat in places I never had it before. I get upset with myself because I don't always consistently eat clean; I'd rather have enchiladas and Cheetos sometimes because they comfort me and I'm an emotional eater that hasn't quite faced her problem.

But when I look in the mirror and look myself in the eye, I see a strong woman. A fierce female that can deal with a little extra on her frame and still feel confident. My massage therapist was working on my back and said, "Girl, you have killer shoulders! You're so built!" We pole dancers forget what sets us apart from the average female that goes to the gym or walks for her exercise. We have muscles. Muscles in places we wouldn't have had muscle if we hadn't taken up pole.

Once in pole class a tall, beautiful, big-framed woman told me "I'm about as graceful as a bull with all this weight" or something like that. To which I told her, "The heavier I am, the stronger I get hauling it up on the pole!"

And for that I can feel strong, sexy and who the hell cares if my belly hangs over a little. The extra fat on my thighs and middle help me grip that pole good! I am at my strongest I have ever been in my life right now.

And I'm proud.

P.S. Thank you to every poler who carries extra weight on her frame and still pushes herself, conquers new tricks, and shares her pole achievements on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or on a blog...you inspire me and so many others!

Pole Dance Therapy.

It has been AWHILE since I have sat here and wrote out a post...and believe me, I have lots to talk about. My life has changed in a big way since I last posted.

My Pole Room. 

I separated from my husband a few months after my last post. Things happen in a marriage or a relationship that just seem to take time to repair. At least you need a lot of time - or maybe just a little time apart - to figure it out, to get away from the tension, the negativity that surrounds you both like a fog that doesn't let you see things clearly.

Then he dies. I mean, suddenly. Taken out in an instant one night by a drunk woman.

All hope of repairing anything, seeing him again, maybe making love one more time, feeling his arms, telling one another we are forgiven - GONE.

I felt like a huge stone was wedged in my ribs. I couldn't hardly move my muscles right for weeks. My digestive system was screwed up. I only occasionally wanted a piece of cake or greasy pizza...or another shot of Tequila.

After about two months of this, I decided I needed an outlet. I wanted to get back on my pole. It was almost CALLING me to climb on it.

I created myself a pole space in the extra bedroom of my house. It came out beautifully. Smooth laminate floors, a booming stereo, red lights, pink curtains, huge mirrors...hot.

And I danced. I would turn on some wild, hard, throbbing music and dance like a crazy mad woman to the rhythm, the beat and in an instant it would overtake me, the emotion, the pain, the grief, the sadness, the loss like a huge hurricane that hit with no weather warning, like a storm that suddenly changed course and crashed, no SLAMMED right into me and sent me into a sobbing heap in the middle of the floor. The music drowned out the guttural cries from my soul.

But I continued. I didn't stop. I danced my in my grief, swam in its messy, dark waters and wallowed, thrashed, and got stronger. Waaaay stronger. The more I climbed, inverted, put a foot here, tried holding it there, hey- this arm is able to hold me up better now...oh, wow, now I can balance better...

The things that can happen when you don't stop.

Sore!!!

I am SORE today....and I have been training hard in the gym. Weights, HIIT workouts, intense stuff, you know? But that pole...all I did was do some inversions on my pole in spinning mode, something I have been wanting to work on, and whoah! I am feelin' it way more than the soreness I have from my workouts.

I have been working out to:

1. Lose weight so I can haul my ass up better on the pole;

2. So I can feel a little less self-conscious of my fat hanging out of my teeny pole shorts, and

3. I can actually get strong enough to do more on the pole!

And let me tell you, it's WORKING!

I look lots better than I did a couple of months ago...5" off of my waistline, not to mention a few pounds lost, clothes a lot looser and more muscle definition. But the part that I love the most? I can get up on that pole with a little more ease. I don't feel like I'm hauling a hundred-pound sack of beans up a precarious mountain. Now I have lots more strength in my shoulders, upper body and back, thanks to my trainer that I made sure knew one of my big goals is to be able to perform a full pull up unassisted.

I did about 10-15 inversions - just stepping into them - on my spinning pole at home this past Saturday. I spun around upside-down and even did the upside-down Crucifix and also let go with one leg..so just played around getting used to the feel of everything again.

So I'm off to the gym now for a workout...with my pole-sore muscles. And a big smile on my face and a sense of accomplishment that I have been wanting to feel for a long, long time :)

Much pole love to you all!

Sara

Cross Training

I have recently taken a break from pole...to cross train. My shoulder was starting to hurt and I knew I needed to lose some of this extra weight I have been carrying around for too long.

So I signed up for a membership at a gym near my place of work and decided to go and train on my lunch hour. Then I agreed to a free assessment with a trainer there. I had no clue what I was in for and neither did I realize how un-conditioned I was!

The trainer only worked me out for 20 minutes...but it was a HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) session and I actually puked at the end of the workout. It was intense, taxing to my bodya nd showed me how really out-of-shape I was. I was winded and gasping for breath.

Now, mind you, I have been doing pole routines and cardio and lifting weights at home. But I never pushed myself to that next level of conditioning, and I see why so few go there.

HIIT is the type of training that strips your body of fat, revs up your metabolism, creates a spike in HGH (Human Growth Hormone) in your system, makes your eyes bright and skin glow, and uses every ounce of physical and mental strength you have.

I went ahead and hired the trainer and have only done 8 of these workouts (twice a week) with him, every workout different, and already see results. I'm tighter, my pants are looser and I feel a LOT stronger.

You can find lots of these types of workout videos for free on YouTube and most require no equipment and can be done in your living room. On this page I've included just a small sample that sounds easy (SOUNDS, remember!) until you are in the throes of grinding these movements out without rest!

Try it and see if you don't see an increase in your strength next time you are dancing out a 5-minute routine!

Making Progress

Well, this is my living room and place to pole...my two Lil' Mynx poles stand like bored dance partners waiting for me to come and have some fun!

So, for several weeks now I have been doing lots and lots of Pole Ups, Pole Crunches, practicing dead-lifting my legs in a "V" off the floor and in the meantime finally got my Crucifix and am working on my Thigh Rest now.

I also do a move from one of Lucy Misch's DVDs the "Hang Tough" where you do a sort of half climb but use it as a type of 'pole up'; I rest one leg on the pole as if starting to climb, grasp the pole with both hands and pull myself up and let myself back down with control. I do this over and and over until I feel like my arms are going to fall off. The results? Feeling stronger and developing some amazing biceps.

I've been doing tons of pole crunches and tucks in order for me to develop my core enough to be able to tuck up into an invert. I currently step into my inverts and want to be able to eventually dead-lift into an invert (at least as an option). My current goal is to be able to get my hips to tilt up so I can get my leg up on the pole and go into an invert without having to step into it.

My workouts have also helped to increase my stamina and muscular endurance. I went from only being able to pole for about 20 minutes to now over an hour, a big increase for me. My training schedule has only been two days a week, usually Tuesday and Thursday nights and have been doing yoga on Monday and Wednesday nights.

If you are just starting out, or frustrated because you haven't been able to get into invert or do a smooth climb, keep on working out. Keep building that strength up, on and off the pole. I wrote an article about building more strength off of the pole that includes ideas for cross-training. Check it out here.

Frustration, Body Image and Clothes Not Fitting

Well, I had a break down in my closet last night while getting ready to go out and walk-jog with my 15-year-old daughter. She has been diligent in her fitness efforts and has inspired me to be consistent as well.

I was cursing out my tank tops and myself at the same time because they were all just tight - and not tight in a sexy way, either. I am 30 pounds over my usual weight and that's a whole story in itself of how I gained the weight. But needless to say, I kept looking at how I could see my fat and bulges in places I don't want bulges showing and I slammed the door of my closet and threw as many clothes as I could across the room. My daughter, such a sweetheart, came in and said, "Mom, well at least you're about to do something about it!"

That was all I needed to help me to put the largest shirt on I own and head out the door with her.

I put on a lot of this weight mainly due to a very stressful relationship situation I had went through about a year ago; also too much beer and too many fun shots of Tequila on the weekends; too many late nights and too many times of giving in to fast food meals. And to add to a bad diet, no exercise. No poling, no walking, no nothing.

Like the old saying goes, Rome wasn't built in a day; and also, if it took a year to get like this, it may take as long to reverse.

In the meantime, I am being consistent with my baby-step workouts and also making one small change at a time to my diet. For instance, I've started eating a bowl of hot oatmeal every morning with whey protein powder mixed in, a multi-vitamin and a fresh piece of fruit. The vitamin seems to keep my energy up.

Now I've started switching out sugary drinks for water or herbal tea with honey and also using myfitnesspal app to track my eating and exercise. I have also been learning lots from Sharee, author of the blog funeralformyfat. She went through a 4-year transformation of losing over 100+ pounds and becoming vegan. Her journey is amazing.

My next step is to weigh myself again. Although I know the scale doesn't tell you everything about the state of your body and health, it is a piece of the puzzle and it is a measuring stick I use at times.

And I'm working in my pole training 2-4 times a week at this point, again, the sessions are getting longer and longer, more intense and I am able to do more now than I did a month ago :-)

No Longer an Anonymous Pole Dancer

I recently read a thread on Studio Veena's online forum that was about remaining anonymous as a pole dancer to your friends, family, coworkers, and the world in general...except for that safe, online place or your studio.

I know there are lots of women who let it all hang out and are like "This is who I am! Take it or leave it!" and I always thought I was that kind of girl, too. But I always kept my pole part of my life hidden from certain people; the people I worked with, the people I went to church with and of course, my old-fashioned parents.

But just recently, I have been working very hard at my basic pole skills: climbing, pulling myself up, inverting, learning s-l-o-w-l-y how to get that strength to deadlift into an invert. I also have started going back to pole class in Fresno, something I have been wanting to do for awhile now. (I think I may have found a pole home!) And then I heard Veena was coming through town so of course, I am THERE!

We had a great time and I was so excited about meeting her in person, poling with her, and having her help me with some tips on how to get stronger inverts. I took a picture with her afterwards and I just wanted to share it with the whole world - well, my Facebook world, that is.

See my Facebook world has some of the people I work with on it as well as lots of the people I go to church with. Did I care at that moment? No! I still don't. I proudly posted my little picture with Veena and surprisingly, received a lot of "likes" from some of the very people that I thought might look down their noses at me for what I love to do.

Now I feel a little braver. A little more like I can still be liked and accepted even with the knowledge that I pole. Am I just a person with "people-pleasing" issues? Do I have to have everyone like and accept me? No. Would I stop poling if someone made a rude comment or asked why was I trying to be a stripper or something stupid like that? Absolutely not.

I am what I am, I love what I love, take all of me or leave me alone. :)

#studioveena #poledancing

Back on my Pole...again.

You know, I like to say "pole dancing is a journey", like a long trip with stops and stays and route and itinerary changes. At least that's what mine has been like.

Me!

I've recently put my poles up again (both 50 mm chrome, one static, one spinning) in the living room and have been consistently doing work on them every other day. Granted, its not a lot, but 10-15 minutes of stretching, 10 minutes of spins and about 20-30 of strength work on my core and pulling myself up.

Since I'm having to build up muscles again, especially the core, because of neglect, I am taking it slow, and gradually increasing the reps and intensity of the exercises. I've outlines them here on my website with photo illustrations:

Pole stretching
Wrist and forearm stretches
Pole Ups
Learning to invert from the floor
How NOT to kick into inverts

I'm doing this not only for myself but because I had very little info and help on learning to get the most basic moves - how to get yourself into a tuck on the pole without momentum - just core strength and how to pull myself up on the pole without feeling pain in my shoulders.

All of these little things are crucial for someone who has been sedentary or is starting pole with a weak upper body and core. And a lot of us females are like that if we haven't been involved in sports, weight lifting or gymnastics. So I hope you find my series helpful!

Positive affirmations for us pole dancers

I recently came up with an idea because I was searching for something...I was looking for specific affirmation for pole dancers. For myself, really. Mostly because I struggle with frustration in my training mostly die to old injuries and the pain they cause me. Some because I am afraid of hurting myself worse. Sometimes I just want to cry and sit on my yoga mat and kick my pole.

So I needed to find some uplifting words of encouragement maybe from someone who has BEEN there. Right where I am at sometimes. But I couldn't find anything.

So I started writing my own list.

They poured out of me. Affirmations like "I love pole dancing. Pole dancing inspires me to become better and better" and "I love my body and its ability to adapt quickly to the stresses I put on it when I pole" and "I pole dance because it is an expression of who I am inside".

They made me feel so much better, writing them and then reading them to myself. So put it into an eBook format and decided it would be one of my gifts to my fellow pole dancers. If I needed something like this, then there are probably others that need it too.

Get your FREE download here and enjoy...let me know what you think too.

My Own Photo Shoot

So I did my own pole photo shoot today in my living room. After a little help from www.picmonkey.com, my self-portraits don't look so bad!

I took them because I needed an updated photo of myself for my website www.learn-pole-dancing.com, I like my readers to have a face to put with the author :)

Of course I have to take like 50 of them just to get a couple of good shots. And it would help if I did the shoot with the help of my daughter or husband, they could help me to pose so I am not running back and forth to the camera to check on how I looked in the last photo and if I should use that pose again.

I have always liked photography but never really delved into it to learn anything like shutter speeds or how to use my old digital camera, the Canon Rebel X. I use it with a simple camera tripod I found on Amazon and set the self-timer button so I presss the button before get into position and wah-lah! A self-portrait.

Pic Monkey is a free online photo editing tool (although some of the tools require a paid subscription to use them) I was able to touch these up.

Until next time, stay fit, stay sexy and stay on the pole!

Revamping My Website!

I have a little jewel of my own in this ever-growing world of pole...my website that I started building back in 2009 www.learn-pole-dancing.com !

I like my website. In fact, I have this little relationship with it that it's almost an extension of myself and my thinking about pole dance.

Here, I get to share all of the resources that I have used in my growth, experimentation and learning. I really took to pole dance when I found Sheila Kelley's book in a Borders store almost 11 years ago. I immediately started learning the floor moves, the yoga-style and sensual moves that made me feel so graceful and sexy.

Then I went on to take a Stripper 101 class in Las Vegas, and yes, I know I mention it a lot, but if more women just would take that little step and TRY it, what could they find out about themselves? What new dimensions of their personality would be uncovered? What new feelings would they experience as hips unlocked and spines moved in new sensuous ways?

I encourage all women to try pole dance...at least once! Put it on your bucket list. Even if you think you are too heavy or too stiff or too un-sexy. None of those things are true about you when you try pole. You can be whoever you want to be :)

But back to my website, I have been re-vamping the whole thing - all 180 pages! Cleaning it up, fixing the broken links and lining all the details and design up better, including more content, taking away old outdated stuff. Deep housecleaning so that it is a more pleasant learning experience when you visit.

Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think, I am always open to constructive criticism.

Moving...and my removable poles!

Thank God I have removable poles. Well, if I were running a studio I would definitely have them secured to the ceiling and floor to reduce that last little risk of a pole becoming too loose during class or some other mishap. I have actually been in classes with both removables and poles that were secured with bolts. Never an accident but still...

I have two Lil' Mynx poles, both stainless steel, one spinning (with a stationary function as well) and a regular stationary pole (my favorite). I have learned most of what I know on this pole. I have yet to really learn how to use the spinning pole.

I have worked out a couple of times on a titanium gold pole which I really, really loved for learning those more advanced tricks. I learned my Gemini and Scorpio on this pole and will eventually be getting this type of metal pole.

So we just moved into a larger home (quite a bit larger than the tiny 2-bedroom apartment I was living in!) with smooth tile floors in the living area where I have had my husband help put up the mounts on the ceiling. I'm glad I bought an extra rubber pad for the floor since these are needed if you don't have carpet for the rubber feet to grip. The poles are pretty secure figuring my 8-year-old daughter thinks they are part of an indoor playground and my 14-year-old daughter is constantly practicing the elbow stand now :)

So now that I have some good area to play, off to my playground I go!

My new blog...

I'm starting this blog sort of as a journal of my journey, my trip into pole dancing that started in 2006.

I became a pole addict when I turned 30. It started when I was in a Borders bookstore and saw a copy of Sheila Kelley's book about her new idea 'The S Factor' Strip Workouts for Every Woman. I was fascinated as I looked at all of the black-and-white photos of Sheila in these incredibly sexy and sensual poses on the floor and then on a chair and then on...a pole! Incredible!

My mom and sister and I were planning a weekend trip to Vegas for my 30th birthday and as I was browsing through all of the entertainment items and things to do while we were there, I stumbled on "Stripper 101" and in no time registered and paid for my 1 1/2 hour class on how to learn to spin on the pole and give a lap dance...FUN!!! I think it was about 40 bucks or so but it could have been $100 and I would have paid it so great was the fascination.

Now mind you, I had no interest in learning how to be a stripper or go to topless clubs and dance or anything like that...but what appealed was that it spoke to my femininity, my inner woman, my sexy, sensual and fun side. Something about it all called to me, and I don't know if I will ever be able to fully describe that.

I have been on this journey, sometimes stopping, sometimes dreaming about starting again, sometimes diving back in and feeling it in every muscle of my body the next day. It is demanding; it demands your energy and attention and creativity, your strength, your sweat, your passions. It embodies you as you learn to melt your skin with that sweaty stainless steel and use muscles you didn't realize you needed for that position or hold. It bruises you, breaks you down in frustration at times, challenges every fear you have and gives you the most exhilarating high when you finally get it. It brings out tears and creates butterflies inside and scares the crap out of you when you feel yourself slipping; it stands there silent and calls you when you are lonely and sad and embraces you, cold and unforgiving at first, then warm and challenging as you start to dance with it.

That's my pole.